After Birth

Macca came to see us to check me over for the last time and discharge me from her care and to cast an expert eye over our precious boy and we got some funny pictures of our little gremlin (no, those aren’t really his ears!)

We have been so incredibly blessed in our midwife.  Macca has become a part of the family and we will miss her weekly visits.  We have locked the main entrance gate because of some strange trespassing incidents and also to contain the spread of giant parramatta grass which is a horrible noxious weed, so I told her to park her little car at the side gate and hoot and I would drive through the river and retrieve her.  I was off on the ridge taking down the wedding flags at the neighbour’s request and must have just missed her.  When I drove through the gate her little sewing machine on wheels was parked there, but no Macca.  Got to the house and there she was, having waded through the river with her big bag of books and medical frip frappery.  I swear if we had been in flood when I went into labour she would have gladly swung across the river tarzan style on the flying fox – she takes everything in her stride!  She is the ultimate Miss No Drama, which is perfect for me!  But now she isn’t coming every week, will I still clean the house??
And who will I talk to about the very real challenges of Motherhood?
I can now see that I was in shock for the first few weeks.  I had no idea birth would hurt so much, that the after-effects were so long lasting and uncomfortable and that breastfeeding would hurt as much as it did.  Good thing Mothers never share this information or the human race would soon dwindle into extinction!  Everyone told me to treasure every moment because babies grow and change so fast but you are so busy coping that you don’t.  It all passes in a blur.  I look at the photos now and can’t believe or remember that he was ever like that – where did he go?  So soon?  I only had a baby for a brief nanosecond and then he grew up!
Everyone said the first six weeks would be the hardest and certainly things are a bit easier now.  I think postnatal depression is a reality for most Mothers in some way, shape or form, and I am so lucky that I can hand Benjamin to Ged and got to my sacred space, the shed, for a good howl and that I can talk to both Ged and Macca about how I feel.  It’s a huge change, being a Mummy, being needed all the time, not having any space or time, and not even having a body to call your own.  Benjamin loves his boobies, Ged looks on jealously and I have to remind them both that actually they are MINE, not theirs!
Being able to walk properly is a huge bonus too!  (oh my LORD!)


Even God rested on the 7th day . . .

Eureka!

I have been going round and round my little house and the outer edges of insanity as well as riding a rollercoaster of emotions (none of them pleasant!) and poor Ged has borne the brunt of the hormonal hell so I sat us down the other night and allocated strict allocation of chores and suggested I have one day off my new life as Mum a week.  Ged agreed to have Saturday as his day off his life as a slave to the wage or the farm and spend it solely with his son and I get to do whatever I want as long as I come back and bare my breasts every three hours (for Ben, not Ged, obviously!!)
So I had Saturday mucking out my horses and mowing the lawn and pruning the lavendar bushes etc – bliss.  I finally realised just how trapped I had felt in my little cottage with my only excursions to the washing line and back once I had the right to roam again and the body that would finally allow me to lift and bend etc.  I hadn’t realised how restricted I had been physically in the last month or so of pregnancy and then the post partum pain and posterior pronouncements!  So all of a sudden I felt free to be me again and to do once more, instead of giving directions from my armchair where I was chained to my son and Little House on the Prairie!
And by the end of the day I understood that I really needed that day off – no wonder I was going mad!  And I have felt so much better ever since – it was like a door opening in my head and light shining through it.  I had even begun to wonder if I was going to be a post natal depression statistic.  But that beautiful day and 12 hours sleep have changed me into a much nicer, calmer person and we are all the better for me having Time Out.  And Ged loves his day of doing very little with his blue eyed boy so it’s a win-win for everyone.
The gradual healing of my body also makes me feel a lot happier – Macca says us older ladies do take longer to heal, but it is a slow process, and you know me, I am not a patient soul!!  Although I am taking Bush Flower Remedies to try and change that habit and I do seem to be slowing down, expecting less of myself and others and just doing what I can do and not stressing about the rest . . . after all, the dust and dirt will still be there tomorrow and as Scarlett O’Hara always said ‘tomorrow is another day . . . ‘