Tag Archives: carnivore

The Carnivore’s Conundrum

by . Posted on
14 Jul

For an animal lover and long time vegan it was hard to conceive of eating meat for myself, even if I could feed it to my family. I had long before accepted that eating eggs was a whole and healthy protein source for my diet – as long as from my own chooks that I fed, loved and nurtured. I like to know EXACTLY where my food is coming from!

I slowly added some dairy to my diet although it has never really agreed with me (perhaps subconscious memories of the sour, warm, cream rich aluminium top bottles from break-time in my primary school years – yeuch!) When the few steers went either to the sales or slaughter (Hector the Protector, Harry etc) I cried and cried. Harry fed Ben and Ged for almost 3 years. One steer, much loved, no waste.

But I tasted the lamb a few times (picking over the choicest cuts, nibbling hesitantly) and remembered that I had eaten lamb before in my early 20’s when too skinny and unhappy and my sister was worried about my weight! It was ok to eat a boy lamb who had been driving me crazy squeezing under fences to whittle away my garden. We always knew that was where the boys would end up. My precious, beautiful ewes were a source of endless joy and delight as they gradually came to love and trust me. When the wild dogs hunted them down and murdered them so cruelly I was seized with rage against a Mother Nature who was so cruel and wasteful. As I dragged their dead bodies behind the car to the animal graveyard to feed the crows, goannas, eagles and other scavengers . . . such a waste of my beautiful girls.

And I realised that at the end of any of our lives all we can hope for is that we have helped someone, served someone, been of use, of purpose. That our lives have been a waste. And these animals of ours were living blissful lives on a piece of paradise. We are all going to die. Every one of us. Some will be killed in accidents, by others, some will die at a time of their own choosing. If a live serves another or others in a useful way – is that so bad? If it has been a happy life, a rich and rewarding life, filled with love?

These are the questions I wrestled with. Questions to which there are no cut and dried answers (no matter what PETA may say!) I learned to walk a middle path, to tread the fine line between my spiritual beliefs and the base nature of the human body. Is it possible that I could be learning balance??

We had bought two pigs to grow up for slaughter. But I couldn’t bear to be parted from Saddleback Sam and Babe. So we got two more which Ben named gleefully. We took them to the abattoir ourselves and arrived just after a triple decker of glowing white pigs, blinking in the bright sunshine. They had never seen dirt or mud or sunshine before. Never rooted up pasture, digging for grubs and roots. Never wallowed in cool muddy shallows or had the hose cascading over their backs in the heat of the day. Never made a nest with weeds and grasses. Never really lived. And yet that is what most people eat. Now that is wrong.

I cried and cried over our two gloriously dirty and bristled pigs. I know why pigs eyes are always so sad – because they know that almost all pigs are slaughtered and eaten . . . at least ours got to LIVE before they died. I never thought I would be able to eat them. For a long time I resisted the wafting savoury smells of good bacon in the pan. Finally I succumbed and was floored by the rich, smoky complex flavours and the sweetness of the fat. We were like ‘Jack Spratt and his wife’ The boys would eat the meat while I would greedily suck at the fat. I realised I was fat starved after years of following a low fat diet.

Now I eat meat maybe once a week. I am a convert to the fact that the body needs a little meat. Pastured. Ethically raised and reared. No waste. Eaten with respect and honour. And that is what we provide and serve to our customers. Grown with love, served with passion, eaten with respect.

Buying a Farm . . . The ultimate Tree Change . . .

by . Posted on
25 Mar

When I was in the process of buying the farm in 2007 it was with no other thought than to have room to breathe, to run, to ride our horses, to watch and wonder at the star and sky scapes.

‘You do know the river floods?’ was the first question old George asked me when we spoke to him about doing some tractor work and cleaning up almost a decade of neglect. ‘Of course,’ I retorted, thinking ‘does he think I’m an idiot . . .?’

Little did I guess that my plan to be alone and write was to be swiftly shattered – by love. The best laid plans and all that . . .

Ged came to assess the solar and something happened to our souls. Destiny struck and our lives were inextricably intertwined.

How little we knew . . . about the rapidly rising floodwaters that could cut us off for ten days; about the tractor hours needed to slash all the weeds; about the animals we would love and lose; about the wild dogs howling from the hilltops and hounding our beloved sheep and ducks.

About the beautiful boy who was soon to bless our lives and how that would change everything . . .

I had been a vegan for over 20 years. I soon had Ged eating that way too and he lost a heap of weight and was healthier as a result. We set up a wonderful veggie garden and as far as possible ate home grown. I wondered whether I would know or be able to acknowledge if my son was a carnivore. Would I raise him as a vegetarian or would I listen to his soul needs?

One day I was in the kitchen and he was sitting in his baby chair eating and I knew, with a sudden bolt of consciousness, that he was a carnivore to his bones. That meant we had to either buy or grow meat. And a whole different journey began . . .

Those little bodies – so precious, so pure. Most parents want to protect that purity, to feed and nurture their children with the most wholesome, natural food they can get. We were no different. We just had a bit more room . . .

Back on the Vegetarian Bandwagon

by . Posted on
21 Mar

When we killed our first two pigs towards the end of last year, despite my tears at their demise, I launched myself off the vegetarian bandwagon I’ve been driving for over 20 years.  Boots and all I landed firmly on the side of the carnivores as I feasted on the fat of the land – literally.  While the boys were savouring the meat of the bacon, I was supping on the fat.  We were like that old childhood rhyme – ‘Jack Spratt could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean.  Between them both, they licked the platter clean.’

Even while my tongue and tastebuds were revelling in the taste and sensations in my mouth, and my belly was full at last, my mind and soul were wrestling with the implications of my newly formed enthusiasm for flesh.

I read ‘The Omnivore’s Dilemma’ and more as I tried to make sense of this physical need to be satiated with the flesh of another, while the soul abhors the loss of life integral to the process from paddock to plate.

On the farm, life and death is often very arbitrary – just like human life.  Animals can be here one day and gone the next – flood, snake bite, wild dogs, weakness, paralysis tick etc. Witnessing the cruelty of nature made me think that our considered culling was pretty tame by comparison, notwithstanding the fear the animals feel as they load and leave this land that they have always known and loved as home.  As they leave their families and friends to destinations unknown and uncertain.

I love these animals, each and every one, and their grief is heartbreaking as they go.  Yes, they have had wonderful peaceful, joyous lives, foraging as nature intended and they wouldn’t have been born and had the experience if it weren’t for the human need and love of meat.

I’m not condemning anyone else’s choices.  We will still be raising animals for sale, slaughter and feeding my two carnivorous boys.

But maybe the wholesale slaughter of my beautiful sheep by the wild dogs, or tempting the pigs into the trailer for their final journey to the abattoir, or the freezers full to the brim of dead pig at the moment, or looking at this year’s crop of calves and how beautiful and full of life they are, has turned me from my thirst for flesh, back to the the peaceful serenity of veg.

Maybe I’m just sick to my stomach of the swathe of deaths we’ve witnessed over the last few months.  Never say never, I might be tempted by the smell of bacon in the future, but for now I am clambering wearily back onto the vegetarian bandwagon.

These animals are my friends, and I don’t want to eat my friends . . .

Connecting with my inner Carnivore

by . Posted on
26 Aug

I am on a 14 day detox and cleanse, along with 50 other people in the local area, inspired by a local Naturopath, Amaali Shaw. Unlike other detoxes, this is not about all raw fruit and veg juices and salads – this cleanse is designed to rid the body of parasites and bad gut bacteria (including candida) by eliminating all the foods they feed on – dairy, soy, sugar, honey, grains and all grain products. Now, for me, whose favourite food is pasta and who eats way too much bread (after all a sarnie is always a quick and easy solution when hunger strikes!) and who is completely addicted to tea, the chance to rid my body of a few unhealthy addictions and toxins after the whole giardia drama and subsequent antibiotics. Plus, it seems I am ridding myself of toxic and unhealthy thoughts, feelings and ways of being so cleaning the temple which houses my soul at the same time, seemed appropriate.

A number of acupuncturists over the years have told me that soy creates mucus in the body, but I have chosen not to listen to them. After all, for a vegetarian or vegan, soy facilitates my tea addiction and tofu etc are protein, right? I have known since I was quite young that dairy did not agree with me, which helped my decision to become a vegan 20 something years ago. But I have been amazed at the difference no soy milk has made to my body – no more post nasal drip or stuffed up sinuses – I can breathe, hallelujah!

The first few days were relatively easy and exciting as I explored different food options (all fermented foods like tamari, balsamic, vinegar etc were also out, and all fruits bar berries and granny smith apples) and I certainly felt like I had a challenge on my hands. Ben was really sick with ear infections and fever so being house bound with him gave me kitchen time which I needed to ensure I felt fully satisfied at meal times.

Eggs which were once a staple of my diet had been left by the wayside recently, in favour of cheese and bread and homemade cakes, so it felt good to embrace them once more and fall in love once more with my lovely brown ladies who lay them. But still, it wasn’t enough and at supper time I had a bowl of carrots topped with a tasting of the delicious Harry stew that Ged had made for us – full of pumpkin. I carefully scooped all the meat out of the juice and settled down to sup. But a couple of little bits of meat had escaped my scrutiny and found their way to my mouth, and let me tell you, they were delicious! Hmmm, the carnivore within was reawakened … and I had a little more to fill me up.

I was beginning to enjoy my chia seed and coconut milk porridge in the morning (commonly known as frog spawn in our house!) and I loved my big salad with avocado and home made lemon, garlic and herb salad dressing for lunch. But again, by supper time, day two I was SO hungry so I broke out the bacon and fried it up – oh my, it was delicious. And I felt the emptiness subside . . .

Eggs and bacon were therefore my staples last week and at the weekend we went away to the Central Coast as Ged had to be on hand for a work project and our lovely Broome friend and her Mum were coming up to see us and for us to finally meet Jennifer’s children, and for them to meet Ben. Judy has always been exceptionally generous and while where they were staying was not very special, they had happily found a truly exceptional restaurant, The Lake House just next door . . .

So they had booked for dinner on Friday and I had a car full of pumkin soup, home made dressing, chia porridge, soaked almonds etc to get me through the weekend. I had requested a restaurant where we could have salmon steaks as that was what I was craving and I knew Ben and Ged needed some fish too. The menu was fantastic -salmon poached in coconut milk and chilli which quickly put my hand up for. The roasted pork belly on the starter menu was calling my name, so I recommended Ged try it to compare commercially produced pork belly with that of our friends who home grow, and to give us an idea of what Lilly and Pilly will taste like. He complied, I tried, and while everyone else was ordering their sugar laden desserts, I was asking for roasted pork belly. OMG it was divine. The crispy skin, the fat melting in my mouth, the chewy sweetness of the meat . . . I have slipped off the moral high ground and into the mire . . .

Frog Spawn and salads on Saturday day and then back to The Lake House by popular demand. Lead me to the trough where I can taste again those flavours, and feast upon those sensations as they explode in my hungry mouth! Goodness, who is this girl?

Now that I am on my way home and in the swing of the diet and my caffeine cravings are gone (rooibos anyone?) I shall endeavour to satisfy myself with just eggs and veg – roasted, steamed and stir fried, and tame the carnivorous beast within . . .

But I think it is fair to say that when the pigs meet their maker, I shall be happy to partake of the provenance . . .

But when the diet is over and reality is resumed, with grains reintroduced, will my carnivorous cravings abate and will I climb back on my meat free high horse, or will I finally, after all these years of dietary disorders (anorexia & bulimia) find a balanced way forward where nothing is taboo and all can be consumed in moderation. Time will tell, but I’m excited to think this could be true.

Meanwhile, I feel fitter, happier, stronger. I’m sleeping well, waking early and not tied to a litre of chai before I can do anything. My brain feels clearer, I have more enthusiasm and I don’t feel like I am struggling through a fog every day – long may this continue!

The Carnivore’s Conundrum

by . Posted on
New lamb 2013
08 Jun

For most of my life I have been a vegetarian. For a long time there I was a vegan. I have had my moments of meat eating but then my spiritual sense that all animals are sacred beings has sent me back to the veggies and pulses.

Living on the farm has changed me, and I waver more and end up sitting on the fence a lot! It was all very clear cut for me before I had Ben. I wondered and worried whether he would want to eat meat, whether I would know if he did, whether I would let him and cook it for him etc . . . (I have to admit that I have turned Mother Worry and Guilt into an art form!) But one day, I looked across at my toddler sitting eating at the dining table and I realised ‘that boy needs meat’ . . the next day his career as a carnivore began.

And this has changed me. Keeping his diet balanced with meat and veg and being determined that he eats the very best meat money can buy – which, of course, means not buying meat at all but slaughtering our own. Now he’s almost 5 and happily eating Harry, our lovely chestnut steer out of Honey, and beautiful farm bred and reared lamb (the sheep don’t have names . . .)

I cried when Harry went and as I witnessed his terror and resignation in the trailer. He knew exactly where he was going. On the one hand he accepted that this was the ultimate gift he gave to us and humankind, but on the other he had the natural terror we all feel when facing death and bucking (literally) against that unknown abyss.

But I have cried over the natural losses we face as well – unexplained illness and death or deformity. The waste of a life and the cruelty of nature. The randomness of Mother Nature’s scythe across the swathe of our livestock. Is it better just to die or to be killed and used and appreciated? I have tasted and enjoyed the lamb, but I balk at sampling Harry.

We bought our first pigs last year so we could have a house full of ham and bacon, but of course they have stolen our hearts and are off to the boar tomorrow for some fun and frolicking and to birth our pig population to fill a few local freezers. Two more fatteners arrive tomorrow and they need to be called Ham and Bacon so we keep the end in mind and not fall in love with them. I have hatched a plan for pigs and chooks to live together in harmony so later in the year we should be able to fill the freezer with lots of roast chicken dinners and I am looking forward to hanging hams, making salami etc.

My body really appreciates meat but in my grief over my beloved horse and friend, Baby, and my clear realisation that she was my Mother in another life in India when I died as a child, my belief in reincarnation has become ever stronger (although I have never wavered in that). I have come to understand that far from common belief that animals are somehow lower on the spiritual scale than us, that they are, in fact, higher.

I have always said that people who think animals are stupid are wrong – after all you don’t see any animals on the relentless wheel of work, mortgage, motor and power payments – they live peacefully with what they have and can forage. Cuddle a cow, alpaca, horse, pig or sheep and you can feel the palpable sense of peace they exude. They are happier than us humans, far more content. Serene in their sense of spirit and where they stand in the grand scheme of things.

I began to think that they gave of themselves in the ultimate sacrifice as an act of service. Now I think they are accepting of our insistence in slaughtering and eating them. Perhaps this is the human dilemma – whether to serve the base needs of the body or the higher mind and spiritual consciousness. Maybe this that I wrestle with is the ultimate human question. The idea of eating flesh and blood feels so much like cannibalism to me and yet faced with a plate of pork sausages, roast lamb or chicken, I am often hard pressed not to sample some, though the texture can often revolt me.

How can it be right to kill another, whether human or animal? Is it ok to kill a wild dog who is stalking our livestock? Or to end the suffering of an animal or human in pain? Does our quest for flesh make it easier to countenance the demise of another human in a war or other? These are all big questions with no easy or right answers . . . the Bible purportedly says ‘Thou shalt not kill’ and yet globally Christians eat meat with relish.

Tales of cannibalism relay how addictive it is to eat the flesh of another and I do believe that eating meat is addictive. Perhaps we are all trapped in a spiral of addiction to flesh? I don’t know what the answer is, and I wish for a finite solution.

Meanwhile I continue on my path on the land of raising healthy, happy livestock for my family and friends to enjoy . . . I guess what I have learned is to have enormous respect and love for the animals we eat, to know where they have come from, what they have eaten, how they have lived and died. And to rest easy in that, at least.

For the animals’ sake, I wish for every carnivore to ask themselves the same hard questions, and to make sure that the meat they eat is raised ethically, organically and killed peacefully, if it is possible for any of us to go gently into that final goodbye . . .