After Birth

Macca came to see us to check me over for the last time and discharge me from her care and to cast an expert eye over our precious boy and we got some funny pictures of our little gremlin (no, those aren’t really his ears!)

We have been so incredibly blessed in our midwife.  Macca has become a part of the family and we will miss her weekly visits.  We have locked the main entrance gate because of some strange trespassing incidents and also to contain the spread of giant parramatta grass which is a horrible noxious weed, so I told her to park her little car at the side gate and hoot and I would drive through the river and retrieve her.  I was off on the ridge taking down the wedding flags at the neighbour’s request and must have just missed her.  When I drove through the gate her little sewing machine on wheels was parked there, but no Macca.  Got to the house and there she was, having waded through the river with her big bag of books and medical frip frappery.  I swear if we had been in flood when I went into labour she would have gladly swung across the river tarzan style on the flying fox – she takes everything in her stride!  She is the ultimate Miss No Drama, which is perfect for me!  But now she isn’t coming every week, will I still clean the house??
And who will I talk to about the very real challenges of Motherhood?
I can now see that I was in shock for the first few weeks.  I had no idea birth would hurt so much, that the after-effects were so long lasting and uncomfortable and that breastfeeding would hurt as much as it did.  Good thing Mothers never share this information or the human race would soon dwindle into extinction!  Everyone told me to treasure every moment because babies grow and change so fast but you are so busy coping that you don’t.  It all passes in a blur.  I look at the photos now and can’t believe or remember that he was ever like that – where did he go?  So soon?  I only had a baby for a brief nanosecond and then he grew up!
Everyone said the first six weeks would be the hardest and certainly things are a bit easier now.  I think postnatal depression is a reality for most Mothers in some way, shape or form, and I am so lucky that I can hand Benjamin to Ged and got to my sacred space, the shed, for a good howl and that I can talk to both Ged and Macca about how I feel.  It’s a huge change, being a Mummy, being needed all the time, not having any space or time, and not even having a body to call your own.  Benjamin loves his boobies, Ged looks on jealously and I have to remind them both that actually they are MINE, not theirs!
Being able to walk properly is a huge bonus too!  (oh my LORD!)


Midwife knows best

Tired, sore, shocked and happy!
Now I know why no-one can explain childbirth to you – it is inexplicable.  There are no words to convey the act of labour, and I have a whole new respect for anyone who has ever endured it.  And if you’ve done it more than once, I take my hat off to you!  How could God be a man when only woman can conceive, nurture, grow and birth a baby?  Man has many roles – protector, provider, rock and comforter, but he is no creator of life, and let’s face it no man could possibly live through labour!!
Macca stayed on the farm with us for four days fulfilling a vital role of counselor, friend, Mother, nurturer, rest police and breastfeeding expert.  I am so grateful for that.  I didn’t realize until after she was gone how much you need a wise friend who knows the ropes and will help you adjust and learn your new role – without judgement, with compassion and with infinite patience.  Macca was that person and more and I feel so blessed that we have had her to share and learn from as we move through this major transition in life.   Three days after the birth we (Ged, Macca and I) planted the placenta under an ‘Emperor’ Mandarin tree at the heart of our new, circular, vegetable patch.  How fitting that Benjamin’s life support system should begin to feed Avalon’s.  May he always be grounded, loved, nurtured and held here in his place in the world, his home, his land, his link to Mother Nature and the Goddesses who bore and birthed him.  We three witches planting a placenta under a star-filled night in the centre of a circle – very pagan, very elemental, very right.  Of course when Macca left, the Baby Blues arrived and I had a few howling sessions – mostly I was so proud of myself for having successfully traversed this major milestone in my life – against all the opposition and naysayers, the dream stealers and the prophets of doom.  Also I was so grateful to Macca for having been such a wonderful facilitator, helping us to make our dreams come true.  She was invisible and yet ever present, allowing, facilitating, encouraging and witnessing, the lighthouse we steered by, our guide and comforter as we wrestled with something beyond our control.
And now we are getting to know the newest member of the Love family . . . much is familiar from his habits and patterns in utero, but so much is brand new territory.  Luckily Ged knows more about babies than I do from his years looking after his cousins and Steve and Cherie’s boys.  But we have Macca at the end of a phone, and visiting once a week for the next six weeks, and we have intuition, a deep well of love for this miracle baby of ours, and a beautiful home to share with him . . .
Needless to say, Phoenix has his nose well and truly out of joint and he is not ‘the most beautiful boy in the world’ any more which is pretty harsh.  But I hope he will love Ben as much as we do with time . . .