Where are all the Elves when you need them?

by . Posted on
24 Dec

I could do with a little tribe just to pick up after his lordship . . . .as quickly as I go around decorating the christmas tree, picking up toys, cleaning the floor, putting back the drawers and cupboards there’s a little mischievous elf behind me creating chaos . . . . and we have one incisor down and one still cutting through – which means a little clingy, non-sleeping man and a very frustrated Mama!  It’s christmas morning here already and the house is clean (finally!) the lawn is mowed, I have spent all day doing a christmas pudding (my first!) with dried fruit that has been stewing in brandy for 18 months – it’s pretty potent!  Thank God for Google – wouldn’t have had a clue without the master at my elbow!  We are off to bed and still got to make the salads and the mayonnaise and the brandy butter and white sauce in the morning as well as enjoying Ben enjoying his presents.  It’s been a crazy week with trying to finish work, do the shopping, spring clean the house etc . . . and Ben is almost walking on his own!

Mummy's little helper

Walking Boy

Messy, me??

Blue eyed boy

Boys will be Boys!

by . Posted on
20 Nov

Last Thursday not long after Sandra had arrived to look after the not sleeping (again!) Pickle for the afternoon, I was finally doing a wee when I heard a scream and sobbing and I raced out and grabbed my baby from her. His mouth was full of blood and he was hysterical so I just held him to me and reikied him and murmured ‘it’s all right, it’s all right’ in his ear while he cried  . . . and cried . . . and cried.  All I could see was the top of his golden head and the blood all over my white t-shirt and the stain kept growing and growing.

I had no idea what he had done and I wasn’t going to be able to look until he calmed down so I just kept holding him and loving him.  At one point I pulled off my tee shirt because I thought the blood must be upsetting him more so I was bare breasted Mama, fiercely protecting her cub.  Finally I took him outside because nature always calms him as it does me, and we stood by the flying fox and watched the river as he cried.

After a while he wriggled to go down and I let him and crouched down with him, but as soon as his feet hit the ground, the sobbing started again.  So I sat legs akimbo and pulled him to my chest again and waiting til he stopped.  He stopped and I pulled away and it all started again, crying like his heart would break.  I could even hear the emotions as they tore through him – ‘the world isn’t a safe place any more’, ‘I hurt’, ‘it isn’t fair’, ‘life isn’t supposed to be like this’, ‘I hurt’ and there was nothing I could do about any of it just be there – I couldn’t turn back time, I couldn’t make it go away and I couldn’t heal it – what sort of Mother was I?

Eventually he stopped and I took him back to the house and poor Sandra who had the guilt of being the one in charge eating her up.  More Emergency Essence and we stripped him and put him in a nice warm bath to get clean both physically and energetically – wash away the trauma, rinse away the pain.  Sandra played with him while I made a bottle dosed with Arnica, chamomile and more Emergency Essence and at last we could see what he had done.  Top teeth through bottom lip, one tooth right through to the outside by the looks of things.  Hard to say but looked like the teeth were all still where they had been.

OMG my poor child.  No blame, just sorrow – it could have happened with any of us, and once they start standing upright some big fall is inevitable.  But if I could turn back time  . . . I would in an instant.  If only we could erase all the pain and hardship from our loved ones lives, if only we could rewrite history and change the bad decisions we have made, the unnecessary pain we have put them through, the terrible things we say, the thoughtless things we do, the hurt we inflict whether knowingly or unknowingly.  If we could edit our own lives as easily as we edit words on a page, how different we, and the world would be.

Sad & sorry but still beautiful, two days later

Close Encounter of the Platypus kind!

by . Posted on
25 Feb

I had an eyeball to eyeball encounter with a platypus last night – went down to the river on my run on the other side to look at the receding flood waters and the new waterfall gushing into the river, and as I approached the shore I saw a weed wobbling in the water and thought ‘what’s that’.  Got to the very edge and looked down and one second later Mr Platypus surfaced right at my feet, staring up at me (he must have been nibbling on the weed stem.  We looked at each other in complete astonishment for a long few second and then he duck dived – but he kept feeding right along the shoreline so I got up close and personal – wonderful!  They are not very big and a lot of it is tail and they seem to have very white eyes with a black pupil.

Duck & Tooth Fairy MIA

by . Posted on
02 Feb

We have a duck MIA – presumed dead.  I heard a terrific squawking one afternoon from the region of the awning but just thought one of the chooks was laying an egg with much ado.  The next day I found a python snoozing in my feed shed and presumed he was the culprit (even though he didn’t have the distended belly you would expect if he was mid-duck digestion) so Ged grabbed him and put him in a sack (after peeling him off his wrist coil by ever tightening coil) and I drove him over to Angle Creek where I let him go, on the way to my daily constitutional.

It was either him or the Goanna . . . but then there were two . . .
Benjamin’s getting pretty good at his routine now and it’s only really the teething days which throw us for a loop.  He has been drooling for ages and gnawing on his fingers, our fingers, Giraffey and anything else he can find, but then some days he is obviously in pain and I am on my knees by the end of the day begging the tooth fairy to get a bloody wriggle on!
My theory is that she can’t find us and Santa (who knows our address) is on holiday during the whole of January and February (resting after his round the world marathon) so we will have to wait until March when she can get in touch with him again and get the map co-ordinates!  That’s what I tell Benjamin anyway . . . .
There are a few things that always make him smile – blowing raspberries on his belly, singing to him (anything – he’s not fussy!) but ‘Benjamin Love has a Farm Ee I ee I o’ is a favourite, Daddy tickling him in the bath, bathtime, Mama’s boobies (he’s such a BOY!), The Gruffalo (thank you Sally, what a BRILLIANT book) and The Very Hungry Caterpillar (inspired by Shirley’s foray into FAO Schwarz for him) and the Boy in the Mirror who he loves . . .

Duck Days

by . Posted on
26 Jan

We have three new little ducklings.  Ged is flat out like a lizard drinking at the moment, installing solar grid connect systems in nearby Laurieton and he saw a sign for ducklings at a local feed store.  After finding our last lot so difficult to get along with at first (crazy canards!) they have turned into lovely members of the family and it is a delight to look out of the windows and see them sitting on a log or gliding gracefully on the river, or flying up to the house for corn and company.  They like to have breakfast (before Ged leaves), lunch (when Ben and I go walkabout) and supper at 6pm on the dot.  We can pretty much set our watches by them – but at this rate they will become too fat to waddle so I am cutting them back to one meal a day (the buddha principle).  Anyway, we only wanted two more (we try to work to the Noah ideal) but there were three left so Ged had to bring them all home.  They are so cute.  Ged has made a pen for them in the shade under the myrtles and a lovely bed in a big wicker basket full of straw and they are very happy with their new home.  They have taken to Avalon like ducks to water, and wander round the garden, going twenty paces or so and then sitting down for a rest!  The big ducks are charmed by them too and have adopted them as their own young.  They lead them around the garden and then fly from the bank down to the river, leaving the littlies quite bewildered – what happened there?

Baby Boot Camp

by . Posted on
19 Jan

Start as we mean to go on!  We are all back at work this week and since that means Ged leaves at the crack of dawn and is gone til 5 or 6pm, I am resolved that Benjamin and I have to get into a routine so we can  survive the days.  So we normally have a 5ish am feed and then go back to sleep.  Ged gets up at 6 and leaves us in bed snoring.  We both have a squirm when he leaves but I shush Ben back to sleep and hope for a good snooze then we get up at about 8am.  Singing, playing, bath and boobie and then Benjamin goes to bed in his bed, in his room for (hopefully) two hours so I can sit at the computer and get some work done.  Then he wakes up and we have some more singing and hugging and then I have a shower while he watches from his bouncer (lucky boy!) and then tummy time, lunch time and back to bed for the boy (sometimes happily, sometimes not!) and I go back to the computer and the phone for an hour and then normally he is up again so we let him have a good kick on the sofa while I race around trying to clean the house and then we are both clock watching until Ged gets home and I get to catch up on the backlog of work or chores and go for a walk . . . me and phee time

So far, so good.  It’s like baby boot camp here – we live and breathe by the clock.  Until Saturday when Ged took over . . . I did explain the principles of the new regime but obviously wasn’t clear enough on the details – Ben and Ged had a lovely day together – no routine, no rests, no rhythm at all!  So Mamma Minute had a battle on her hands on Sunday.  I bought Ged a gorgeous Seiko watch for Christmas so he could keep track of all the different times in our lives (bed time, booby time, bath time, nap time etc) – well actually Kevin Rudd did – the government gave each child in Australia $1,000.00 as part of the economic stimulus package.  (We were supposed to spend it so I did!!)  and I have my trusty surfy lilac watch on all the time, along with my ‘Milk Band’ – the perfect Mummy’s Little Helper for those of us suffering from complete brainlessness (unfortunately not fully automatic – needs input!) – it tells me which boob first at what time – amazing, invaluable, essential!!
So the days are more organised although we have some battles royal over bed time and then by the time Ged gets home we can both be overtired, over emotional, and over wrought.  But we will both be better at it with practice (please God!)

Wild Dogs and Wedge Tailed Eagles

by . Posted on
05 Jan

Happy New Year!
Here on the farm without radio, television or newspapers the days blur into one another like the endless summer days of childhood, and we didn’t even realise that it was New Year’s Eve til mid-afternoon.  Not that it made much difference, we had decided not to go to the annual bash at Steve and Cherie’s with Benjamin in tow – too loud, too much booze, too tired, too happy just pottering on the farm . . . We had a bottle of Bolly in the fridge but didn’t open it – couldn’t be bothered, didn’t feel like drinking, I’m sure another opportunity for celebration will present itself . . . .
Australia very much grinds to a halt at this time of year – everyone is on holiday and businesses are closed for weeks so it really is time to slow down, relax and enjoy hearth, home and family.  It is so quiet here, although for some reason (maybe all the slashing both we and the neighbour are doing) we have recently become home to hordes of sulphur crested cockatoos, who are gorgeous in their flock but make a helluva racket with their cawing.
We had a dead wallaby on the other side so the wedgetailed eagle was in residence for about four days before Ged built a funeral pyre and cremated the wallaby’s remains before it got too potent . . . because we have had such a good extended spring and there is so much feed, there are an incredible number of wallabies (did you know that wallabies breed more in a good season?) and so there are also more wild or feral dogs.  Phee and I had a terrible scare on a run/walk the other day – as usual he was ahead of me and out of sight, and suddenly I heard him yelping and screamed his name and started running.  As I ran, first a wild small brown dog appeared to the right of a big clump of timber debris, then on the left appeared a dingo X.  The face, ears and colouring of a dingo, just smaller, and stockier than a purebred.  My heart stood still as I screamed Phoenix’s name again and again.  Thankfully he appeared, tail between his legs but unhurt as far as I can see.  Terrifying.  And he is so lucky.  Most wild dogs would have torn him apart , I don’t know how he survived (he must have nine lives!).  Needless to say he has been sticking close to his Mummy on our forays over on ‘the other side’ (we have to think of a name for each side of the property, clearly! – suggestions on a post card, please).  I don’t want to get the wild dog shooters onto Avalon if we can help it (normally the neighbours do so that keeps the population under control) but they seem to have become more adventurous and visible this year with the proliferation of wallabies on the pasture.
We often see the ‘wedgies’ free wheeling overhead – they are stunning birds.  And the one who ate the wallaby is often to be found in an old dead gum on ‘the other side’ at dusk when Phee and I go for our walk.  I always have him ‘heel’ when wedgie is around as I imagine the eagle looking at Phee and thinking ‘dinner’!  We also have a sea eagle who patrols both sides of the property – about the same size, just completely different colouring.  And I have recently discovered that not only do we have yellow tailed black cockatoos on the farm, but also red-tailed – gorgeous!

Wedge-tailed Eagle (Aquila audax)

The Wedge-tailed Eagle is a beautiful Australian eagle, and is also one of the largest eagles in the World. They are large creatures weighing an average of 4 kgs, with an average wing span of 2.5 metres. They are a dark brown/black feathered bird, however the young eagles are a lighter brown colour.

Big shiny blue tractor!

by . Posted on
22 Dec

We have a new toy!  A big, blue, shiny, new tractor!

We have been looking at second hand ones for a while on the internet, and finally went up to Grafton to look at one there – it was a heap of rust, twenty years old and still $18,000 which is cheap even for a 20 year old tractor.  And we had been thinking that even if we bought a $12,000 – $18,000 tractor and it lasted for 2 – 3 years, it still wouldn’t owe us anything (we paid George $22,000 last year!)  But after looking at this one at Grafton I put my foot down and said we had to have a new one.   With a new one, I can drive it happily and easily, it is safe for both of us, we know where it has been and what it has done and how it has been treated and we can have it regularly serviced and hopefully not be prey to all those expensive breakdowns that happen with old tractors.  So Ged went to look at the brand I like to see what he thought (I thought he would think it was too small and girly) but he came back really excited and so we did the sums and decided we could pay a third cash up front and finance the rest quite easily now we only have one mortgage.
So we bit the bullet and waited excitedly for delivery.  And then I elbowed Ged out of the way and climbed on . . . I haven’t looked back since!
We’ve had a few teething problems like the rock that sliced through the cables when I slashed it and the dirty diesel which destroyed the fuel injection system (all covered by warranty) which has severely slowed up our pre naming ceremony farm clean-up (aaagh!!) BUT the tractor is so easy to drive and after I had spent 7 hours on it, I got in my car and wondered whether the power steering had failed . . . it hadn’t, it just felt like it after the lightness of the tractor!  So we are very happy with our new toy (for the record, it is an ISEKI (Manufactured by Massey Fergusson and branded as such in the US) , 60 horsepower, 4WD tractor)
Ged says he would just like to get a go on it . . . !

Your Baby, Your Guru

by . Posted on
01 Dec

Macca has lent us some amazing books over the course of the pregnancy and first few weeks of Motherhood.  I have been immersing myself in ‘Buddhism for mothers’ while on the loo and in the sitz bath at night and there is a wonderful article in there, written by an American first time mother and long-time Buddhist as she is challenged and tested to every limit by her newborn babe and her spiritual practice goes out of the window (bye bye spiritual discipline, routine and regimen!).  She writes that she finally realised that the baby was the teacher, the buddha, the master and this was the new path for her learnings, meditation and practice.  That singing the same soothing song over, and over (and over!) again is as much meditation as sitting in silence for hours, that setting self aside in order to fully focus on, and cater to, another soul, is the greatest spiritual self discipline.  It is presumably no coincidence then that Gandhi shaved his head and wore nappies!!

After Birth

by . Posted on
24 Nov

Macca came to see us to check me over for the last time and discharge me from her care and to cast an expert eye over our precious boy and we got some funny pictures of our little gremlin (no, those aren’t really his ears!)

We have been so incredibly blessed in our midwife.  Macca has become a part of the family and we will miss her weekly visits.  We have locked the main entrance gate because of some strange trespassing incidents and also to contain the spread of giant parramatta grass which is a horrible noxious weed, so I told her to park her little car at the side gate and hoot and I would drive through the river and retrieve her.  I was off on the ridge taking down the wedding flags at the neighbour’s request and must have just missed her.  When I drove through the gate her little sewing machine on wheels was parked there, but no Macca.  Got to the house and there she was, having waded through the river with her big bag of books and medical frip frappery.  I swear if we had been in flood when I went into labour she would have gladly swung across the river tarzan style on the flying fox – she takes everything in her stride!  She is the ultimate Miss No Drama, which is perfect for me!  But now she isn’t coming every week, will I still clean the house??
And who will I talk to about the very real challenges of Motherhood?
I can now see that I was in shock for the first few weeks.  I had no idea birth would hurt so much, that the after-effects were so long lasting and uncomfortable and that breastfeeding would hurt as much as it did.  Good thing Mothers never share this information or the human race would soon dwindle into extinction!  Everyone told me to treasure every moment because babies grow and change so fast but you are so busy coping that you don’t.  It all passes in a blur.  I look at the photos now and can’t believe or remember that he was ever like that – where did he go?  So soon?  I only had a baby for a brief nanosecond and then he grew up!
Everyone said the first six weeks would be the hardest and certainly things are a bit easier now.  I think postnatal depression is a reality for most Mothers in some way, shape or form, and I am so lucky that I can hand Benjamin to Ged and got to my sacred space, the shed, for a good howl and that I can talk to both Ged and Macca about how I feel.  It’s a huge change, being a Mummy, being needed all the time, not having any space or time, and not even having a body to call your own.  Benjamin loves his boobies, Ged looks on jealously and I have to remind them both that actually they are MINE, not theirs!
Being able to walk properly is a huge bonus too!  (oh my LORD!)